I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize