ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
