2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize