Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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