i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
