I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
