If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
