yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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