By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
