he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
