can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
