I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
