PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
