My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
