I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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