Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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