i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
