Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
