So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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