i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
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