watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
