puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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