Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
