Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
