who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
