yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
