you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
