Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
