I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
