put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
