Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
