You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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