She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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