I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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