Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
