R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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