Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
