i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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