did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
