I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
