she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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