This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
