I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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