Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
