if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
