No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize