Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
