Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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