Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
