When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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