sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize