Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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