Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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