I met the friendliest cop last night
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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