Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
