I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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