jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
