She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
