He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize