you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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