So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
