Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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