i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
