dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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