you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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