the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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