she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
