do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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