I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
