Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
