I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
