We're facebook friends in real life
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
