Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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