I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
