Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
