Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize