Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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