Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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