Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Still dying that you shit outside
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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