I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
