I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
