Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
