If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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