This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize