sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
