After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
