I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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